Growing up Audhild

I took an anthropology class in college. At one point we studied religion across different cultures. One thing that is true for all humanity is we all believe in something. It is the only way we understand the world, humanity and the universe. This is what I choose to believe in.

I was born and raised Christian. My maternal grandpa was a pastor. I heard a couple of his sermons before his first stroke. After he died my grandma, who I was very close to, continued to teach us about Christ.

I still do believe in God and all the things I was raised to believe. The last few years I was pulled towards witchcraft. I started to study what that all means to me. Especially what I believe in. I won’t lie this has been a struggle. I bounce back and forth between what I was raised to believe and what I feel is right. Having the impression of what I was feeling, knowing and learning was wrong.

Even with every Sunday church visits, and study of the Bible. My personal favorite was Daily Bread reading with coffee and rice crispy treats. My grandma always had a different approach when it came to sickness. She used a lot of herbs, minerals and medications. That wasn’t what I found different. I was surprised to find out when I started practicing and learning witchcraft. I learned that traditionally a witch uses a pendulum to make some choices. My grandma also used this to find the right things to make us feel better.

I remember one time when I was about fourteen and was very sick to my stomach. My mom took me to grandma’s. Grandma thought maybe I had eaten something and needed to get it out. She asked me to hold out my hand, placed four charcoal pills in my palm. After she used her pendulum to see if the charcoal would help me. It said yes! She then taped all four to my wrist and said to keep them on for a couple of days. I did what she said and felt better after the first day. My grandma also taught me a lot of herb practices. I used them today with my family.

The women in my mom’s side of the family have always had a connection with dreams. My mother told me about a dream she had, when she was sixteen. The dream she described was her riding in the car with my grandparents on the way to church. Looking out the window she saw Jesus in a field. He was talking to her, telling her “Come home”. The next morning my Great Grandpa had a heart attack that took him to heaven. Dreams like these don’t just happen with my mom it happens to all us women. We do check in’s especially when we are all having death dreams.

I have had these dreams too. When my grandpa passed on, I had a dream before and after. The one before I had a call from the hospital. They told me my grandma died. At the pain of the loss I sunk to my knees. I suddenly saw a pair of brown shoes and looked up. It was my grandparents’, when they were young, saying goodbye. Grandma said to be happy she is with God. After my grandpa left the world, he paid us a visit. He wanted to give grandma a message. We lived with her at the time. The message was He loved her and would be waiting for her. In my dream grandpa tucked me in. I saw him leaving my room, so I ran after him. Going into grandma’s room I saw him in the corner. I woke grandma up and told her grandpa was there. I told her what he wanted her to know. She said he was in heaven.

When I woke up my blankets were so tight, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I ran into my grandma’s room and told her about my dream. She responded with “grandpa is in heaven”. a few days later she gave me a book about processing death. I still believe today that grandpa came to tell us goodbye that night.

When grandma died two years ago, I had several dreams. The one I remember the most was a dream of her in my room. She was standing at my bed watching me sleep. A week after she died, I saw her at work. I originally thought it was just another person who just so happened to be wearing a vest, like grandma. When I got the chance, I looked around and couldn’t find anyone like her. I knew it was her saying goodbye.

I have many more experiences with dreams and visits from other things. I am superstitious. That is because I have these experiences that don’t allow me space to deny them. Just a couple months ago my mom and I were talking about grandma and her special healing practices. We have both agreed we may have a line of witchcraft, or spiritual sensitivities. Who knows where they came from. It doesn’t change what I know and believe.