Growing up Audhild

I love being a mom. People tell you they would die or kill for their kids. When I had my kids, I realized there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I wanted to give them a life I never had. I want them to be loved, safe, kind and happy.

The absolute worst part about being a parent is you want to protect them from everything, but you can’t. Learning that your child was hurt, has a disease, or a disorder is really hard to get through. Yes, these are different circumstances; but all are heartbreaking for not just the kids but the parents too. You can’t take it away so they don’t have to feel it. All that you can do as a parent is sit on the sideline and give them all your love.

My daughter broke her arm two years ago. She had to have surgery to stabilize the break. The worst part about this situation wasn’t seeing my baby with tubes and wires attached after surgery. It was her face when she asked for her father. My daughter wanted him there. At her plea I called him at 3 o’clock in the morning. He said he was at an amusement park and couldn’t leave. The hurt in her face when I told her he wasn’t coming was unbearable.

This year we found out she is neurodivergent. All of my children are. It is not the diagnoses that bothers me. The special differences in their brains are what make them the amazing little humans they are. They will have to face more challenges in this world. They will have to work harder just because they have some extra spice. I have teachers ask me how to help my kids. I may be wrong but I feel like their degree would have taught them these things.

My oldest son is ADHD and Autistic. This school year he has been through four teachers. The teacher he has now reached out to me. She asked how she can better support him in the classroom. The irony is last school year he started out with an I.E.P. The school said he didn’t need it. I disagreed. I said he would benefit more from the supports he had. I was voted against by my ex, the faculty and my husband. This year they need my help to teach my son. I am trying to get an advocate to help me re-establish an I.E.P or 504 plan for him.

My youngest is also Nero-spicy. He hits his head and sucks on his arm. no one can figure out why or how to help him. I am afraid everyday he is going to break his ear drums. His arms have hickeys all over them. I requested a psychiatric evaluation convinced he has turrets. The psychologist just diagnosed him with an emotional dysregulation disorder. That still doesn’t explain his mannerisms. So we had a genetics test done that told us he has a gene that is the cause. We were referred to a geneticist who we have been on the wait list for about five months.

I love being a mom but it is truly the hardest thing I will do in my life. My kids mean the world to me. I feel like I am always fighting something or someone for my children’s best interest. I would do anything to take their pain away if I could. I tell them I love them everyday. I do my best to make their spiciness normal. While it is so hard to be a parent, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love my kids more then I can explain. I do everything I can to make sure they have what they need. But man it sure does hurt sometimes.