Growing up Audhild

We take the little things for granted sometimes. Or we don’t realize how much they actually mean. Until someone shows us either in a negative way or positive. Today this reality hit me right in the face.

I have talked about my ex husband and his repeated unfaithfulness. It is very stereotypical of me. I left that relationship with more trust issues than I had when I went in. Unfortunately my now husband gets the butt end of. Some days are worse then others.

Last summer my husband reconnected with an old friend from high school. He was honest and open with me I really had no reason to worry. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried anyway. I wanted to be better, than my past, than his ex, my ex, and any other girl. Knowing I had no reason to worry I chose to ignore my nagging urge to snoop.

I talked to my therapist. She said I should still talk to my husband and find a comfortable ground for us both. But with the “Let them” movement I thought I would just let him do whatever. Yeah I know its not healthy. I also didn’t think it was healthy to be bothered by my husband talking to another woman.

In December I finally got the nerve to bring it up. I ask him what he would do IF I ever ask him to stop talking to her. He responded he would just stop. I decided to be honest. It was making me feel uncomfortable. I was fearful of repeating the same heartbreak my ex-husband put me through. My now husband reassured me he loves me and is faithful but he would stop talking to her.

Fast-track to today. I got curious and ask about his friend. He told me he stopped talking to her in December. I was surprised! When I ask that I was just needing reassurance on what he would do. He took it as me asking him to stop talking to her. Not only did he stop, he never responded to her when she messaged him. Not even to tell her of my insecurities.

When I ask why. He said “why would I? Its non of her business.” again I didn’t understand. I thought about it more. He didn’t ask me why, push for an explanation, or get defensive. So again I asked. Why? His response? “Why do I need to you said it makes you uncomfortable.” That was all he cared about. He didn’t care about her feeling. He didn’t care about my insecurities, or blame them.

I thought back to ALL the times my ex-husband was caught talking to another girl. He would promise nothing was happening. Any time I would find out otherwise or have that unceasing feeling of him being unfaithful. My ex would tell me I was being insecure, selfish or not trusting him. Another one was that he would tell me he would stop. Then use an excuse “yeah I will tell her I can’t talk to her anymore.” usually highlighting me being crazy as the reason. If it was a girl who didn’t know he was married, he would hide the conversation. Then he would pretend he ended it.

After today’s conversation with my husband, I realized a good man prioritizes his woman. He is more worried about the feelings of the woman he loves, then someone else. Asking him not to talk to another woman is not about control. Him stopping no questions, comments, or arguments, is respect for his woman. Asking him to stop talking to another woman is NOT asking to much. If he has a problem it is a red flag that if he isn’t cheating he does plan too.